I asked you to let me go.. and you’ve let me walk away.
My vague memory remembered how our hands slipped off.. and how deafening the crowd was that day.. I can still almost taste my tears.. feel pain for causing you much hurt. I’m sorry. I really really just sorry.
I have to make a move.. today.
I’m weighing my options and I think it’s best to stay.. but changes have to be made. Improvements and upgrades.. Good thing, I have great friends to back me up.
I can’t help but believe that love is just not for some people.
I have seen people fall in love and endured everything through time. But I have seen people fall out of love too.. some of them lasts for a couple of years.. and some, just after a couple of days. It’s tricky, and I know you’d agree that love, no matter how much you work on it.. will always be unpredictable.
I have met Jane last week, and she told me stories about her young self.. and how she let a lot of love pass her by. She was pretty.. still is actually, even at her old age of 46.. She told me tales about how many suitors used to lined up for her attention.. how her 2nd boyfriend brought her in a cheap hotel, and how nervous she was that day.. she told me about Selmo, and his love for her that she turned down because she can’t learn to love him back. She said, Selmo was not easily discouraged and tried again many times.. but still she wasn’t able to love him back. She told me how much she regret letting him go.. and how she can still hear his words after so many years, “I don’t know how to move on from you, Jane. I do not even know if I could still love someone else after you.” I saw Jane took a deep sigh. And across the table, I saw how pain crossed her eyes before saying.. “He’s married now. 3 kids.”
Jane, like almost every girl I know, dreamt of happy endings too.. of loving someone who loves her. She prayed for it to come true and it didn’t. But maybe, love is not for her.. and I can’t help but think that maybe.. love is not for me too.
Lately, I can’t help thinking about this famous guy.
He’s a bit of a savior during those trying times.. when I was a mess and was crying over a lost love. I just found myself smiling on his every tweet.. and somehow, without him knowing.. he has helped me moved on.
less than a month ago..
they broke up.. even though they’ve never really been together.. not officially atleast. but yes, less than a month ago.. they’ve parted ways. I didn’t ask him.. never really bothered asking her.. but yes, they’ve broken up. I don’t know.. maybe it was my prayers.. or my friends’ prayers.. or maybe, God pitied me for crying every single night since that day I’ve seen those pictures.
I know, I should have blogged about it as soon as I’ve heard.. but I didn’t know what to write at that time.. I was lost.. I can’t even say I felt victorious, knowing he was hurt.. Honestly, I do not know if I am happy now.. or if I am even feeling anything.. If I still care about them and their current situation. Maybe I have cried all the tears, and given up all feelings.. I want to believe that I do not give a damn about them anymore. Maybe If I keep on believing that, it might just come true..
i dont know if i’ve moved on.
I want to think that I already have.. But I still feel an occasional tug, a momentarily loss of thought.. like stopping in the middle of a conversation, not knowing why.. and my friends would exchange meaningful glances.. because they know. And I dont want to admit that it’s because of something I remembered.. something about him again. I’m in denial, because I’m tired of always thinking about him.. and I want to block the thoughts.. but I cant.
Have you ever felt this way?
Is it always this hard?
good news.
if it’s really good news that they’re not together.. yet. She left me a message on facebook. her words - They’re not together together.. but they’re getting there. She said, they’re not rushing things and would like to enjoy it as it is.
The last time I saw him.. I was really happy. I can still remember how he was approaching our bench and smiling with his braced teeth as he mouthed “you’re here!”.. like he was really glad to see me after such a long time. But now, I know that the smiling pictures posted on his wall would be because of her. She will now be his reason.
Idk. I still can’t feel anything. maybe tomorrow i’ll be able to grasp something inside me that’s worth sharing here.. maybe.. i’ll keep you posted.
much love, me ♥
heartbroken.
heartbroken.I heard two words, sila na, and everything stopped. At first, I wasn’t able to feel anything. And as those two words sink in, I felt confusion.. heard a part of my brain screaming why??? Then finally gave in to my emotions, and uttered “why?”
blaming others to satisfy your story won’t make you a good writer. take responsibility for your action, and maybe i could pay you with my respect. i’ve been very patient with you because i understand that being alone is hard. but you have to realize that pulling others down, just so you’d have company in your misery, will never make things better for you.
Now that you’ve lost that one person who stood by your side after you’ve pushed everyone away, maybe you should be a little more considerate.. maybe fate would give you a second chance.. and who knows.. you’d find someone willing to stay after all.
sentimental hurt day
stomach cramps.. and at the verge of being broken.
i feel proud. and i know that’s not a good basis for a life changing decision. but this is my life, and i want to have it back. i cannot stand having people make decisions for me, or brush off my concerns just because they can. power trip, I’ve never understood it until now. would i let myself tread a line that they’ve carelessly drawn for me? would i actually let them do that?
oh God. help. please.
