Maybe it is girls’ nature to want bad boys.. to want someone unattainable.. but that’s not why I like him..
I like him for all his awkward smiles.. because they make me smile too.
I like him for his mysterious eyes.. they make me realize things about myself.
I like him for his mind.. he inspires my soul.
I like his voice most of all.. for his song warms my heart.
I miss you. I am so happy that you’re back.
I am upset. I am drained with patience and I don’t think I can make seventy times seven with you. God knows I tried.. God knows how much I tried. Damn.
one day, someday, our paths would cross..
you’d ask my name, and i’ll shake your hand.
you’d finally know why it didn’t work out with her.
and I would understand why he broke my heart..
once the clock strikes 12 at midnight, my heart will break again.. in little shattered pieces, the way it did last year.. and the years before that. I will hear the ticking of the second hand, and will overthink things once more. I will search for the faintest of sounds ..and will hear the deafening silence of my life.
they say that being alone is different from being lonely. But I am alone and I am lonely. Can it ever get sadder than that? I hope not. I am tired of being sad. I am tired of wanting things and not getting them. I am tired. God help me.
This is what Valentines day really does to broken people like myself. And I am being brave this year.. so I’m writing this.
I saw you yesterday, and you were so upset.. I can’t blame you for how things turned out between us. I know that it’s my fault.. unintentionally my fault. I cannot fully blame myself either.. I did it for you. I’m not sure if I will ever get the courage to reason it out.. but yes, I did it for you. I love you..
one more time and one last time, I’m going to say the words.. i love you.
you’ve been in the middle of a cycle.. and you’ve always felt bad about it.. I can’t make you chase your dreams.. because you know that there is no safety beyond the circled line.. and in safety, you find comfort. it might be temporary, but comfort nonetheless.
who am I, you asked.. I am your subconscious.. I am the one who visits your soul in the dead of night.. and I am the voice that scream the loudest scream in your head.. saying, “don’t do it if it makes you so sad.. risk everything to be happy.. just walk away..”
I am the irrational you.. and I am your salvation.
i made this poem in 2010.. it’s nice to read the words and still mean them.
isn’t it lonely to where you stand?
they look up to you, but you can love no one..
you believe they’d not understand,
how you’re just one lonely man..
so you dont trust them, and you walk away every time.
it’s you babe, it’s you who didn’t understand..
that no one can love you right, because you’ve never let them.
hopefully one day, someday..
you’d lose your silly lonely game..
allow yourself to feel the smile,
and take away your long lived pain.
I still wish for your happiness.. for that “Home” and “Life” you dreamed about.
Whiskey Whiskey Whiskey is a song that generally talked about struggle.. about waking up from a wasted night out.. Repeating it night after night, trying to find some ways to cope up. And saying “It’s just a phase. It’s not forever.” is an empty promise to a part of yourself that is losing hope.
It’s heartbreaking to see someone lose faith and give up on dreams.. especially when he was the one who inspired you to pick up the broken pieces.. and believe that anything is possible..
I asked you to let me go.. and you’ve let me walk away.
My vague memory remembered how our hands slipped off.. and how deafening the crowd was that day.. I can still almost taste my tears.. feel pain for causing you much hurt. I’m sorry. I’m really really just sorry.